Sisters

“And those who joined that which Allah has bidden to be joined and have awe of their Lord and fear the evil reckoning." (Surah ar-Rā’d 13:21)

A sister is your mirror who knows and sees best your faults and shortcomings, often even more than your parents, and thus is in a position to correct you and help you mend your ways. Similarly, her similarity to you in so many ways also makes you more aware of the faults and shortcomings which you share. She is a teacher, your companion, the store of your secrets and wishes. 

A sister is aware of when you are crying, even when there are no tears in your eyes, and when you are smiling, even if it is in the dark. She is your attorney, ready to defend you against the world. 

She is your reminder and your source of inspiration. She gives you reason to go on, when you want to give up. She is also the one who is brave enough to tell you when you are wrong, and give you a telling off when you need one. A sister is a treasure, value it while it is yours. A sister a source of lessons, study her and do it well. 

Your sister is your little mother, your teacher, your best friend. A sister is a lifetime, a store of childhood memories.

A happy birthday to you my dearest sister! May Allah shower His blessings upon you always, and grant you His love and the love of those He loves <3

Random Thought

There are times when you have so much to say, but then you realize or remember, there are times only silence will keep you going.

Reminders...

It is narrated that when Hadrat Dawood (a.s.) committed his initial fault, and he went lamenting through hills and dales in penitence, he reached the cave inside which Prophet Hadhrat Hizqeel (a.s.) was busy in supplication.

When Hadrat Hizqeel (a.s.) heard the moaning of the hills and the beasts, he understood that Hadrat Dawood (a.s.) had come to him. The reason for this was that when Hadrat Dawood (a.s.) recited the Zaboor, the flora, fauna and the stones too joined him in the recitation. Hadrat Dawood (a.s.) reached the entrance of the cave and called, “O Hizqeel (a.s.)! Do you permit me to come up to you?” Hadrat Hizqeel (a.s.) said, “Please don’t come to me because you are a sinner!” But Allah (S.w.T.) sent a revelation to him, “Because of Dawood (a.s.)’s first sin, don’t reprimand him. To the contrary pray to Us for his pardon and well being! Whenever we leave anyone to his own scruples, he might commit a mistake!”

Now Hadrat Hizqeel (a.s.) caught hold of Hadrat Dawood (a.s.)’s hand and guided him inside the cave.

Hadrat Dawood (a.s.) asked Hadrat Hizqeel (a.s.), “O Hizqeel (a.s.)! Have you ever thought of committing a sin?”

He replied, “No! Never!”

Hadrat Dawood (a.s.) asked, “Did you ever feel proud?”

He replied, “No! Never!”

Hadrat Dawood (a.s.) asked, “Have you ever been tempted with the worldly pleasures?”

Hadrat Hizqeel (a.s.) replied, “Yes! I was tempted!”

Hadrat Dawood (a.s.) asked, “Then! What remedy you use against these temptations?”

He replied, “In such circumstances I get into this cave and take pity from what I witness therein.”

Hadrat Dawood (a.s.) then entered into the recesses of the cave with Hadrat Hizqeel (a.s.) He found inside there a plate of steel. On the plate was lying a human skeleton and beside it was a tablet of steel on which was inscribed: 

“I Arwai Bin Shalam

 ruled for a thousand years,

established a thousand cities,

deflowered a thousand virgins.

But,

My condition is this

That my bed is dust

My pillow a stone

And

My body is the

Dwelling place of

Insects and vermin.

Whoever sets eye on me

Should not be carried away

With worldly attractions!”

In these trying times, one must also remember to seek the help of Allah to enable him deal appropriately with all hard situations. Once ones heart is firmly established and rooted in the Islamic principles, no affair will shake it from this position. In this regard, Imam Ja’far as-Sadiq (a.s.), while predicting the period of the absence of the Last Imam (atf), says, “During that troublesome period there will be so much of sedition that the angels would be astonished at the very few deaths of men of piety!” The narrator asked the Imam (a.s.),” What should the people do in that difficult time?” The Imam (a.s.) replied, “They should recite the Du’a al-Ghareeq. This consists in saying:

‘Ya Allahu  ya Rahmanu, ya Raheemu ya Muqallibul Quloob, thabbit qalbi ‘ala deenik - O Allah, O Beneficent, O Merciful, O Overturner of hearts! Keep my heart steadfast on Your religion!”

On Rights and Obligations

Following up on an earlier post I made, [Compatibility 101], I felt the need to elaborate further on some issues which arose. One of these was the issue of the rights and obligations of spouses.

There are many instances in life when one thinks of their obligations, and their rights. A lot of times, mental emphasis is laid on the rights a person has, or is owed by others. What one would need to remember however is that for every single right one is granted (by Allah or otherwise), there is a corresponding and equal obligation. For example, if one looks at the rights owed to parents by their children, one would think them so great and a huge burden of obligation on the child. This would however be looking at only one side of the coin. Corresponding and equal to these rights is the duty of the parents towards their child, which flows from the minutest details of picking the right parent for their child(i.e. pick the right spouse), to picking a good name for the child, to providing for them materially, spiritually and emotionally.

Similarly, one may assume that a husband in Islam is given a lot of rights over the wife, including the right to place restrictions on her movement and interactions. However, one must also remember that these rights are given subject to conditions, and a failure to fulfill such conditions strips one of such a right. For example, a man can only place restrictions on his wife’s movements/leaving the house where he is providing for her financially/materially and emotionally/spiritually/psychologically. True, in narrations we are told of the obligations of a wife towards her husband, for example, Imam Ali  says that the best amongst women is one who has five qualities:

1. She is easy-going, obedient, humble, and economical to her husband.

2. She is good tempered to him.

3. She is cooperative and helpful to him in difficulties.

4. Whenever her husband is angry or depressed, she does not rest until she finds him happy and pleased.

5. When her husband is absent from her, she protects his belongings in his absence.

He adds that such a woman is an agent of the agents of Allah and the agent of Allah will not be disappointed, (she gains her correct hopes). [Al Kafi].

He  also says, "The Jihad (fighting in the way of Allah) of a woman is to afford pleasant company to her husband.”The Holy Prophet [s] has also said, "The right of a man upon (his)wife is: lighting the light, preparing food, receiving him at the threshold of the door of the house with pleasant conversation, and avoid refusing to offer herself to him except for the time there is an excuse." [Makarimul Akhlaaq]. He (s) also says, "A woman has not performed the right of Allah, Almighty and Glorious unless she performs the right of her husband." [Mustadrak Wasaail ush-Shiah].

Imam Baqir  narrates from Rasul (s) that the right of a husband upon his wife is that she obeys him and does not offend him. So it is quite clear that the husband is owed a great deal of rights by his wife. What then are his corresponding obligations (if any) and what role do they play in ensuring that the wife also performs her role? The Holy Prophet (s) sets a standard for all the believing men. He says, “The best among you are those who are best to their wives, and Iam the best among you in treating my wives.” He is the best exemplar one can follow in order to find out how they should treat their wife, when they look at his treatment towards the most beloved of his wives, Khadijah , as well as his treatment towards his other wives (such as his reaction when his wives deceived him about the smell of honey from his mouth, and what extents he took to ensure their comfort, until a commandment came from Allah (swt) to protect him from their trickery).

Imam Ali  says, “In any condition, conciliate the wives, and talk with them warmly and through kind words, thereby, they may change their actions into good ones.” Imam Baaqir  also teaches men the need for them to treat their wives well where he says, “He who takes a woman (marries) should certainly respect her, because the wife of anyone is a means of your pleasure, so the one who marries a woman should not spoil or disgrace her (by disregarding her respectable/reasonable rights).

One’s treatment of his wife is a great indicator of the level of his faith, as Rasul (s) says, “However much the faith of a man increases, his regard for women increases.” Similarly, Imam Ali  also says, “The worst man is he who restricts his household.”So it is clear that spouses should be good tempered and have good dispositions towards each other in order to have a peaceful home in which Islamic values can be practiced and follows.

However, what is the solution where one party fails to fulfill this obligation? The Holy Prophet (s) says, "Any man who is patient with the wife who is bad tempered, and seeks that patience from Allah, He bestows him the reward given to the thankful ones."

Another common complaint from women who are financially dependent on their husband is the issue of being reminded (either by the husband or his family) of the ‘great favour’ they are being done, and the need for them to remember this. First, it is important to remember that providing for one’s family is an obligation, and not a favour. In this regard, Imam Sadiq  says, "He who tolerates the task of earning money for (the comfort of) his wife, is like the one who fights in the way of Allah.” [Al Kafi]. He also says, "This (sin) is enough for a man that he leaves those dependant on him for sustenance without regard."Secondly, the Qur’an warns us against reminding those we have helped/supported of our help towards them. In Surah Baqarah, verse 2 we are told, “O you who have believed, do not invalidate your charities with reminders or injury.” Similarly, in a narration reported by Abu Dharr  from Rasul (s), we are told that among the three people Allah (swt) will not speak to on the day of resurrection is the one who reminds of his favor, who does not give a thing but to remind [the recipient] of it.

In summary, it is important to remind ourselves each time we count our rights, that we have a corresponding obligation. So before we demand our rights, we must first ensure we have not left a single obligation of ours unfulfilled. Like they say, “As you sow, so you shall reap” i.e. if you are a moody, crabby, overbearing person, it would be unfair not to expect the same in response. The next time we read a narration like the one where the Holy Prophet (s) says that the jihad of a woman is to afford pleasant company to her husband, and that the right of her husband over her is the greatest right of all people over her, we must remember that the man has also been given obligations in Islam which will go a long way towards allowing the woman to be good company towards her husband. For example, if she is overburdened by the house chores and babysitting, and is tired and at her wits end by the time the husband gets home from work, it is not likely that the man will be met at the door with a smiling countenance offering to take off his shoes and asking about his day at work!

May Allah (swt) grant us success in His way!

Serendipity

Serendipity: the faculty of making fortunate discoveries by accident.

Today, take the time to discover the blessings and bounties of your Lord on you, and do it on purpose. Don't wait until it happens by accident.

Have a serendipitous day! =)

~S~

Compatibility 101

“O ye people ! fear your Lord who created you from a single soul and of its kind created its mate, and from them twain spread many men and women; and fear ALLAH, in Whose name you appeal to one another, and fear him particularly respecting ties of kinship. Verily ALLAH watches over you.” [Qur’an 4:1] 

For a lot of the youth today, the question of whom to marry is one which is seen as a complex and difficult one. Is it really that difficult? Or are the difficulties in finding the right person often self imposed, or as a result of wrong criterion. A lot of the youth today are complaining, ‘I cannot find anyone I am compatible with!’ What exactly is compatibility? Is it of any importance in finding a spouse who will lead you towards Allah (swt)?

Compatibility has been defined as the capability of existing or performing in harmonious, agreeable or congenial combination with another or others. This would imply that for two people to be considered compatible as a couple, they must be capable of existing together harmoniously.

According to a narration, the Holy Prophet (s) was asked, “Whom must we marry?”

He replied, “The suitable (matches).” (kufw)

He was then asked, “Who are the suitable matches?”

He (s) responded,

المُؤمِنُونَ بَعضُهُم أكْفَاءُ بَعضٍ.

 “Some of the believers are matches for each other.”

It is thus clear that the first and most important aspect of compatibility is religious compatibility. A person who is committed to observing and practicing the religious principles and laws must marry only a person who is also committed to the same, or else there can be no harmony.

Cultural and mental compatibility are also an important aspect. This is because, ones culture and mindset will play a big role in their future plans, the way they see things, their measures and standards of what is acceptable and what is not. Imam Sadiq (as) has said:

                                                                          اَلعَارِفَةُ لا تُوضَعُ إلاّ عِندَ العَارِفِ.

“An intelligent and wise woman must not be placed except beside a sage and wise man.” 

While it may be nearly impossible to find one with whom they are fully compatible mentally and culturally, the issue should still play an important role when one is making a decision in picking a compatible spouse.

The morals of the two should also be compatible. A person may appear to observe some aspects of religion very strictly, for example praying, fasting, proper dress code, yet they engage in behavior which is contrary to religious morals such as a foul mouth, excessively talkative, addiction to music, free interaction with the opposite sex etc.

Education is also something which may play a role in the compatibility of two people. The exposure and mental development that occurs for one who has had an education cannot be compared to one who has not been exposed to any educative environment. Here, an education does not necessarily mean college degrees etc, even though basic schooling does create a lot of common ground. Ones exposure and experiences form an important part of their ‘education’ and their take on things, and can thus have a very significant impact on a couple.

Physical compatibility and beauty are also two important aspects of compatibility. One must remember that they plan to live with their spouse for the rest of their life, and should thus ensure that they do not have serious misgivings about the person’s appearance, as this may be manifested in other unsavory means. At the same time, one must not tie themselves so much to the fine details of ones physical beauty, while remembering that inner beauty is what will form the most lasting impression. On the same aspect, age also plays an important role, and one should marry one whose age (physical and mental maturity) is compatible with theirs.

One may ask what role (if any) the financial and social status of two people may have on compatibility. Ideally, it should have none. However, given that the average person you will meet is not likely to be a completely perfect person, one must discuss how important a role this will play in their future role. A common joke/story I have often heard is how an extremely poor girl was married to a prince. Despite all the luxuries and sumptuous banquets that were now available to her as a princess, she would miss and cry for the days when she had ‘dry rice with no curry’. Moral of the story: financial and social status can play a big role in ones expectations of life, and should not be disregarded.

Social and political compatibility may sound like taking things a little too far with compatibility. However, for example where one holds very strong political beliefs, and the other party holds an equally strong opposite view, it may cause quite some difficulty, unless the two are sure they will be able to ‘agree to disagree’ peacefully! On the social aspect, an example would be where one is a social bee, always ready to be right in the limelight while the other prefers a quiet life. This may bring some difficulties, especially if this aspect of their characters is a big part of their life. Like they say, ‘Birds of a feather flock together’. Attempting to “fly” with a bird of a “different feather” can bring some pretty insurmountable challenges.

There are many aspects of compatibility which one must consider, including psychological compatibility and future compatibility (i.e. yes, so we are compatible now, but will we still be compatible in the next 5, 10, 15 months, years?)

While keeping all these in mind, one must also remember the teachings of the Qur’an regarding marriage. The Qur’an says:

“And of HIS Signs is that HE has created wives for you from among yourselves that you may find peace of mind in them, and HE has put love and tenderness between you. In that, surely, are Signs for a people who reflect” (30:22)

“HE it is Who created you from a single soul and made therefrom its mate, that he might find comfort in her.” (7:190)

“....They are a sort of garment for you and you are a sort of garment for them....” (2:188)

In the above verse, what does it mean to be a garment? Thinking of it in terms of the functions of a garment/clothing, one can conclude that a spouse is one who will cover up one’s weaknesses and shortcomings from others. Further, they will act as an adornment and embellishment for each other as well as acting as a protection from the harsh conditions of weather (i.e. they will protect and support in each other through good times and bad).

As a final reminder to myself and others: Should we be careful about the little details that make a part of the other person? YES. Should we become obsessive fault finders? NO.

“Our Lord, grant us of our spouses and children the delight of our eyes, and make us leaders/guides for the righteous.” [Qur’an 25:74]


Read more widely here

On Death and Love for this World

A beautiful and moving reminder from Sayyid Hasan Nasrallah (ha)

Wise are those who take a lesson from death,
Wiser are those who kill the self before death overtakes it,
Wisest are those whose life and death is for the sake of Allah.

Definition of Intellect

اِنَّ خيارَكُمْ اُولُوا النُّهى، قيلَ: يا رَسولَ اللّه‏ِ، وَ مَنْ اُولُوا النُّهى؟ قالَ: هُم اُولُوا الاَْخْلاقِ الحَسَنَةِ وَ الاَْحلامِ الرَّزينَةِ وَ صِلَةِ الاَْرْحامِ وَ البَرَرَةُ بِالاُْمَّهاتِ وَ الاْآباءِ وَ الْمُتَعاهِدينَ لِلْفُقَراءِ وَ الْجيرانِ وَ الْيَتامى وَ يُطْعِمونَ الطَّعامَ وَ يُفْشونَ السَّلامَ فِى الْعالَمِ وَ يُصَلّونَ وَ النّاسُ نيامٌ غافِلونَ؛

The Prophet (S) said: "The best among you are the possessors of intellect." It was then asked of the Prophet: "Oh Messenger of God! Who are the possessors of intellect?" The Prophet (S) replied: "Those who have good morals, those who are patient and gracious, those who are compassionate, those who are kind towards their mother and father, those who look after (and feed) the poor and the orphans, those who greet everyone with a ‘salaam,’ and those who pray while the people are asleep."

Source: Al Kafi, Vol. 2, p. 240, h. 32

May Allah guide us to true intellect.

On Unanswered Prayers...

“I have seen many people’s supplications go unanswered even though they applied all these eight criterias with piousness and even the other steps raised. So what is the reason now for not getting their supplications answered?” 

Since we haven’t yet covered the details answering the question above we will move on and answer the question accordingly, inshaAllah. 

In order to understand the result of our supplication we will have to separate it into three situations (maslahat): 

1. Allah will give whether we ask for it or not 

This situation indicates one of God’s Attributes – Allah’s Rahma (Compassion). Here we are talking about things that we usually never thank for, such as our good health (which He as given us), a normal working aql (intellect), good parents, good upbringing, etc. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          .

2. He will not give whether we ask or not. 

What does this mean? Since Allah is All-Knowing, He knows that what the pleading person is asking for is not meant for him and because it isn’t good for him Allah will not answer this supplication. This is a part of the question that was raised by the brother. 

An example on this could be an individual who supplicates to Allah to become a leader to help people and restore justice and eradicate corruption in a society. This is a typical example on how Allah usually doesn’t realize one’s dua. 

Now this person might conclude that God isn’t Compassionate. Wrong, He is always Compassionate. The fact is that He Compassionate, All-Knowing and owns knowledge about the Unseen (ilm al-Ghayb). Thus, if He doesn’t grant that pleading servant (what he is asking for) then it is due to the fact that this person might become a worse person than what he already is; making him a dictator for instance after having attained power and money. This is why a person has to have qina’a(contentment) and be thankful for what he is and has at all time. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          .

3. He will give only if we ask. 

What’s meant with this third category is that there are things that Allah only gives after a certain time. Attributes such as qina’a (contentment) and sabr (patience) are very important for the pleading person at all time. 

Contentment lead to the fact that people becomes contented with what they already possess in this life, concentrate on their aims in life and at the same time occasionally ask for things that are meant to be taken with to the next life, such as becoming a more spiritual person, finding and helping those who are truly poor, etc. 

To be patient is extremely important, since impatient and begging repeatedly for something might be given by Allah but later seen as a loss by the servant. A typical example, which is included in this category, can occur within the business field. For example, someone is looking for a house to buy but he ends up not being able to buy one because of many financial problems  hinder him from doing so. He prays to God that he’ll be able to buy this house but as long as such obstacles remain he won’t be able to buy it. After a couple of weeks, while the obstacles still remain, news reaches him that the prices of all the houses in that area have diminished thus now he can buy the house much cheaper. This typical example occurs in our society and is also the answer to the question (above) that was brought forth to me by the brother.  Hence, Allah knows best when is the best time for our supplications to be realized, since He and only He possesses ilm al-ghayb (science of the Unseen, including the future).    

This is emphasized in the Holy Quran: 

Fighting is enjoined on you, and it is an object of dislike to you; and it may be that you dislike a thing while it is good for you, and it may be that you love a thing while it is evil for you, and Allah knows, while you do not know.

(Surah Al-Baqarah (Chapter 2 – The Cow) verse 216)

 

As a conclusion it is worth mentioning that some people prefer not to ask God for anything simply because they feel that they are satisfied with their life. This is wrong! Everyone has to ask (Allah) for something. Allah has given us this right even though we are his servants. It doesn’t have to be something from this world. For example, one could ask Allah to be given a healthy life or to die old and painless. An important fact concerning dua is that every time one makes dua one actually gets rewarded for it and that good deed gets registered into one’s book of deeds (which will be opened on the Judgment Day). 

Thus, during every supplication, do not forget to praise and glorify Allah (SWT), send blessings to the last Prophet Mohammad (SAAS) and his holy Household (AS), confess your sins and show sincere grief over them. Besides that, before asking anything for oneself one should pray for others, such as one’s family members, neighbor, relatives, friends, etc. In such a manner one’s supplication often gets answered faster. 

God is closer to us than our jugular vein (50:16). He hears everything, sees everything and read off the brain’s and heart’s secrets. Not a single secret can be hidden from our Creator. Thinking about a certain thing is enough for Allah to become aware of it, yet He loves the servant that asks for His help by uttering himself to Him.

Hence, don’t forget the conditions that our beloved Imam Ali (AS) has given us to maximize the purification of our heart and soul and consequently make our supplications become realized by being kept guided in His Straight and True Path, inshaAllah.

Full Article here

...

And when My servants ask you concerning Me, then surely I am very near; I answer the prayer of the supplicant when he calls on Me, so they should answer My call and believe in Me that they may walk in the right way. Noble Qur'an (2:186)

And your Lord says: "Call on Me; I will answer your (Prayer): but those who are too arrogant to serve Me will surely find themselves in Hell - in humiliation!" Noble Qur'an (40:60)

I have heard a story about a believer who was passing through a place when he was surrounded by people from the area who asked him why in the Qur'an Allah (swt) says: "Call on Me; I will answer your (Prayer)"; yet despite their calling upon Allah, their prayers were not answered. He replied: "The reason is because your hearts have died due to ten things so that your supplications have no sincerity as your hearts are not pure and free of contamination."

They asked: "What are those ten issues?" He replied:

• First and foremost you have accepted Allah (SWT) but have not repaid His claim.
• You have recited the Noble Qur'an but have not practiced it.
• You profess your love of the Holy Prophet of Islam (saw), but are opposed to his household (as).
• You claim to have enmity with Shaitan (Satan) but in practice you are in agreement with him.
• You say that you are fond of heaven but in order to enter heaven you have not done anything.
• You said that you were afraid of the Hell Fire, but have thrown your bodies in to it.
• You were busy slandering and criticizing people but were ignorant of your own shortcomings and faults.
• You said that you didn't like the world but are greedily following it.
• You confess to the reality of death but don't prepare yourself for it.
• You have buried the dead but haven't taken a lesson or guidance from it.

These are the 10 practices (Ten Reasons) which cause prayers to remain unanswered.

Food for thought...

In need of your dua's.