Apology

The Prophet Muhammad (S) has said, “O' ‘Ali! My intercession shall not reach the person who does not accept the apology from another person - whether the apology is truthful or untruthful.”

Asking forgiveness and also accepting the apology of a person who has come to you are both ethical and Islamic values.

There are many people who perform wrong actions, however in their eyes, it is shameful to ask for forgiveness and they actually consider this as being a defect in their character! However, at the same time, they will be the first one to order others for the same thing and this is a major flaw in a person's character.

If a person was to do something inappropriate, what is wrong in him that, just as he feels grief inside him and also asks forgiveness and turns back to Allah (SwT), that he also seek pardon from the creations of Allah (SwT) as well?

Does the person who is not ready to ask forgiveness think himself to be infallible? Without doubt, everyone (with the exception of those who have been kept free from sins - the Prophets and the Ahlu'l Bayt) make mistakes. Therefore, if a person commits an error, then his asking pardon and forgiveness for his acts is actually proof of his greatness and excellence!

Do those who have little patience, a spiritual constriction in their hearts and do not possess the trait of a spiritually expansive heart assume that by asking pardon and seeking forgiveness that they are lowering their status!? Obviously, they are negligent of the fact that asking pardon actually proves the greatness in their character and personality and grants them a high nature!

If we are truly impartial and equitable in regards to an issue - even in trivial things, and if in the face of the other person, no matter who he is - either a common person (who does not know the teachings of the faith) or one with knowledge - if we were to ask forgiveness (when we make a mistake), then this would be the key to a healthy life. Therefore, this act of apologizing is actually one of the valuable ethical traits.

As for the second issue - and this is something which also takes greatness of character and a spiritually expansive heart to carry out - it is to accept the apology of another person.

If a person comes to you and asks to be forgiven, then one must accept the apology.

In the tradition under review, it is stated that even if a person had intentionally done something and then comes and wishes to place himself under the covering of your forgiveness, you must show your greatness of character and not let your ego get the best of you.

In addition, one must even accept the apology of a liar - of course there are certain times and circumstances which are an exception to this rule and are separate from this discussion (which we will not discuss). However if one was not to accept the apology of another person, then slowly the veils of inhibition and shame would be removed from all people!

If someone comes and apologizes and one was to reply, “No, you are lying, you are not sorry for what you did” then that person may actually begin to act even worse and may reply, “It is my heart which wanted me to lie (to you and to try and fool you that I was sorry…)” At this point, what road would you take to stop this person's obstinacy?

In the Du’a of Abu hamza ath-Thumali we read:

أَمَرْتَنَا أَنْ تَعْفُوَ عَمَّنْ ظَلَمَنَا وَ أَنْتَ أَوْلـى بِالْعَفوِ وَ قَدْ ظَلَمْنَا أَنْفُسَنَا…

“You have ordered us to forgive the person who oppresses us, however You are much more worthy to forgive us who have been oppressive to our own selves…”

In reality, the meaning of this line of the Du’a is that whereas we are not ready and prepared to forgive others for the sins and misdeeds which they have done to us, however we expect Allah (SwT) to forgive the great number of our sins! Therefore, in order for us to earn the pardon of Allah (SwT), we must be ready to forgive at least one sin from another person and accept their apology.

In relation to this, the Prophet (S) has said, “The person who does not accept the apology of the individual who has come to him asking forgiveness - whether the apology is truthful or untruthful - shall never have the benefit of my intercession since my intercession is specifically reserved for those who make mistakes and errors.”


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